When I left the criminal investigation department, I tried to find myself. At first, I just went to clubs, drank alcohol, and hoped that life would somehow guide me. A year passed, then two, and at some point, I realized that even those people who drank with me began to turn away from me. It turned out that some of them only befriended me while I had opportunities and resources in the criminal investigation department. And so I was left completely alone.
I experienced a harsh crisis of realizing my values, and at some point, I even wanted to end my life. But then I asked myself, "Ruslan, why are you living? Why continue to suffer? How will you build your life?" I thought about what brought me to this point. I found the only meaning, as it seemed to me, to live on.
I remember buying my first cell phone, a Sony Ericsson, with my first paycheck from the criminal investigation department. At the time, I found it interesting to think about how the world of the future would be structured and how technology would help people achieve their goals. That's how I found the only meaning to live on: to observe how the world would change in terms of technology, how people would live in the future. And now I live in a place where these technologies are being created. I think that crisis was the impetus for me to end up where I am now.
Finding the meaning to move forward, the best thing I could do was occasionally work as a taxi driver. Over time, I realized that I needed to find something more serious and started working at the housing maintenance and utilities department, where I grew to become a master in roofing work. I supervised people who did roof and wall repairs. At that time, I came to work and wanted to cry from what I was doing. I remembered how much more interesting the scale of tasks was in the criminal investigation department. And now, my scale of tasks was to fix a leaky roof or paint pictures on a fence. And I really wanted to cry from these tasks. But I had no other ideas about what I could do differently.
Before, I used to read self-improvement books, but at that moment, nothing interested me. When I thought, "Why was I born?" the answer came to me: I am here to learn how to work with people. Not with those who know how to set and achieve goals, but with those who need direction. This is much more difficult to do than with people who are motivated by good money and already have experience setting ambitious tasks. I told myself, "Okay, so you will learn how to work with these people, gather them into teams, motivate them, and make sure that tasks and goals are accomplished." I realized that if I learn to work with these people, it will be easier for me to work with people of different motivations and continue moving forward.